The Fountain of Old

I’m not able to picture 80s rock stars as anything but old men.

No, no, stop. Try it.

I know that there was a time when Tommy Lee did not look like a piece of leather. When the lead dudes from Warrant were young and hip.

But in my mind, they are constantly middle aged, wearing clothes that have long gone out of fashion.

I can imagine a young Paul Newman. A Bruce Willis with hair. A Chris Farley who was a little boy.

But guys from a hair metal band? I cannot imagine that they were ever young and fresh faced.

We were recently walking through a mall where a band was doing covers of Guns and Roses. I saw the lead singer who was in his 50s, scrawny, leathery and wearing acid washed jeans plus vest. He had long, stringy, straw like hair.

I started to think about what his life must be like. At this point, does he want to cut his hair? Can he not do it because of the image he needs to keep up to book these mall gigs?

Was he actually famous at one point and now singing in a mall?

The thing is with 80s hair bands: I can’t tell. They all look the same to me and they all look like they always have.

Maybe when you live hard as a youngster and age yourself quickly it’s a blessing in disguise. No one notices when you’re ACTUALLY old.

Perhaps I need to start drinking and whoring more often so that people don’t notice the years passing by.

Oh, who am I kidding? That sounds really boring.

I’ll just buy myself some acid wash jeans.