The Perfect Alibi

So, you know when you’ve had an epidural? And haven’t slept for 40 hours? You know how things get a little fuzzy? Just bear with me here if you don’t. So, when you’re really drugged up and have gone through a lot of pain with no sleep things get a little fuzzy. True story. So, […]

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Spidey Sense

This isn’t the first time it’s happened. It happens a lot in fact. It was just the weirdest time it’s happened. Alex was upstairs for a nap. David decided I could get some alone time. Which included me watching Modern Family on the computer with headphones on so David could watch the Football game on […]

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National Treasure, My Ass

Nicolas Cage and I have a weird relationship. I cringe at the sight of him. He pretends I don’t exist. It’s weird. Like we dated once and had a bad break-up. There’s some truth to that. I loved the Cageman in Moonstruck. Just watching him lose it completely was awe inspiring. “I lost my hand! […]

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I told Him I was Sorry….I’m a Liar

So, today I’m supposed to lie to you. Don’t blame me. Blame Lori. I have a feeling Not-Martha wants you to start distrusting me. Ah, so, Lori at In Pursuit of Martha Points started telling lies. The point here is to make 6 statements, only one of which is true. The rest of you have […]

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Help Wanted: Toddler Terrors

I’d really like to be funny today but I’m too tired. Wild Thing has been waking in the night again. Not from hunger or being over tired. From terror. His screams pierce the night and I find myself awake on my feet, my heart pounding in my chest. He screams the horror movie scream. He […]

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Because You’re Mine

Since I have recently been invited to and/or stood up in eleventy-one weddings, I can say this with the utmost conviction: that party was fun. I’m not saying there was a conga line which I led, but I’m not saying there wasn’t. Also, some people got married or something. They cried. Which made me feel […]

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Call Me Garfield and Pass the Lasagna

Some days, I am the anti-Stuart Smalley. I am not good enough, smart enough and I am pretty damn sure that no one even considers liking me. They are avoiding me like a stinky fat kid in a cafeteria line. Either that or they are quietly plotting my demise. This typically strikes on Monday mornings. […]

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Karma, it’s What’s for Breakfast

Remember, how I wasn’t sure if the asshat on the Metra was me? Oh, my friends, I’m pretty sure now that it is. I am the asshat. David and I, like most people, are creatures of habit. So we pretty much sit in the same place on the train every day. This particular spot is […]

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Nice Day for a White Wedding

I am going to need some serious waterproof mascara because I am sure this is going to make me sob big, fat, goopy tears all over my Disney-princess bridesmaid dress. In my every day life, I don’t wear mascara because I’m prone to crying. But I’m smart enough to know that my sister is not […]

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